I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
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