So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize