it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
