we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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