We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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