someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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