I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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