my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm too high and old for this...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
