I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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