dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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