I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
