True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
