Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
