I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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