: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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