Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
