and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
