just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
