She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize