Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
