I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
