the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
