hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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