I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
