I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
