We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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