woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
