he wants to bone in the snuggie
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
