we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
