just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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