is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
