Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
whose parrot is this?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
