I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize