I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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