No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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