lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
