hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
