don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize