I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
