if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
