I'm going to jail i love you
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
