a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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