You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
