Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
