Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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