Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
