Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
