she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
you never un-have a 4some
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize