Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
