so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
