Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
