it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
