Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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