perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
