I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize