I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
