I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
