her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
