I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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