how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
