he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just had sex on a roof
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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