Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
