i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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