apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
