Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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