He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
