I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize