There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
