We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
