Kiss
Puke
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize