Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
