Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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