So drunk its hurt
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
