Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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