Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The Olympian is in my bed
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
