I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
