as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
