obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
