Midget sex pt 2 tonight
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
