we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize