I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
my liver is dry heaving
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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