I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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