problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
