Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
