There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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