All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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