i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
