you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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