So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
