If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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