I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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