Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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