He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
