no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
