I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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