My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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