Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
