I just cut my nipple shaving
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It all started with a game of naked twister.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
