I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
