Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I need a burrito and a hug.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
