I hope mine doesn't look like that
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
