so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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