Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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