Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
